Endings

The snow’s been coming down for a while but the ATV was dead for a bit until B. came up and replaced the battery for me. Don’t know if it was me or K., but someone left the ignition on and absolutely killed the battery. These small ones don’t last long in single-digit temps, it seems, so he also brought me a trickle charger to keep the battery topped up. He has been so great getting me set up and functional for plowing.

I gave K. a plowing lesson yesterday, but she’s not a natural. Reminded me of that wonderful and brilliant young writer who worked for me one summer at The Castine Patriot who simply could NOT cut the edges off the galleys without cutting through the type. He couldn’t see when waxed copy was pasted in crooked, when spacing was off, etc. In the end, I relieved him of production duty because it took me longer to clean up after his truly earnest efforts than to simply do it myself. I fear the same will be true with K.’s plowing. She can’t seem to get the hang of the level the plow needs to be, how far to push back berms, how to avoid leaving clumps of snow that will freeze into immovable blocks in the middle of the drive, etc. It seems the universe really does want me to learn that folks have their limits. Most people really cannot do lots of things. I could use help with the plowing for sure, but I don’t need a repeat of paste up! For now, I’m on the ATV clearing the drive for about three hours a day as the snow keeps coming down.

Snow is forecast pretty regularly through the end of the year, and with my ex out of the country, I’ve been doing the main drive as well as my own. But I bumped into him yesterday plowing his drive so his partner could get in and out, and he told me he came back from India shortly after a major hurricane. I was there with him a few years back, so he talked about the trip, folks I know, and the storm a bit. Quite a pleasant, casual exchange and a departure from his usual snub or anger. Perhaps he recognized that I was the one person here who would care or really relate to what he was talking about.

Speaking of an ex, one from years and years and years ago popped up through FB recently. At first I engaged out of curiosity, but like others who emerge after decades and seem intent on becoming part of my life, the ardent interest made me pull back. I’m not sure whether I really doubt his good intentions, whether a lifetime of being poorly used and abused by the males in my life makes me suspicious, or whether I simply don’t want to nurture a relationship that will likely, inevitably, pull me back into a past I do not want to relive and that I escaped with great difficulty. Either way, I’m not pursuing it. It seems to me that at least for now my most fruitful partnership will be with myself, my writing. I’m fine with that.

Dec. 19, 2016

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